Time goes on and on...

Today marks the two year anniversary of the passing of my father-in-law. And I have come to understand a few things more clearly and I have realized that life itself is very comforting.  There are small reassurances all around showing that all is ok, and that life is to be joyful, even in the absence of those we love. Sometimes you have to look for those reassurances, other times they are so obvious you can't miss them.

Vern's greatest joy in life were his grandchildren.  His pride in them was palpable. So, with that pride in mind and through his eyes and heart I have come to enjoy my children in a whole new light. I have come to enjoy each moment more (even those nasty parenting times) and realize that they are growing up so fast and taking it all in. Today is for enjoying and not to worry about tomorrow.  Sharing their joy and creating my own with them, each day, is amazing. That is not to say that I don't feel like screaming and yelling...duh, you all know me too well for that one...but realizing that there is far more joy to feel than stress or frustration!

There is no greater time of prayer and petition as when a loved one is ill and passing.  The time spent pleading for a miracle of healing, then the time spent praying for relief and peace for them consumes most days.  And with their passing, praying for our peace and comfort in the days, weeks & months to come. And, as time goes by the sting of their absence hurts less and less, I have found that at times that I have gone a day or even a few days without thinking of him.  At the realization of this, I feel sad and guilty for not thinking of him more often.  I know that it is perfectly normal, and it is ok for life to continue; and for the sadness of him being gone to be replaced with memories that make me smile on the spot, but the guilt does come through sometimes. However, keeping in mind that I prayed for this, peace & comfort, is easily forgotten. Then something so small, and insignificant as the prayer to find a missing memory card for a camera is answered... And wham! It hits...if God cares enough to help me find a missing memory card, why should I feel bad about feeling the peace I so desperately prayed for, for having days go by where life is ok, normal and joyful...it is what I prayed for after all! And doesn't God want me to feel joy rather than sadness...

Then there are the less personal signs. This morning for example...as I was driving up the hill home I glanced up to see the sun working so hard to burn through the thick, dull-gray layer of clouds. You know the look of it, like a light bulb through a lampshade.  And I thought, there is sun after clouds...the sun will always rise...and warmth and color will come after the cold and dreary gray.

With these thoughts in mind, I will try and focus more on the wonderful, bright memories of the past and less on the cloudy, absence of today. And what a better way to brighten a gray day than to think of the wonderful laughs, smiles and memories!  After all, without the clouds of today, their will be no sun tomorrow!

Playing nice in the sandbox!

Ok. So I have been listening to all of the news reporters and tv commentators discussing how amazing it will be tonight to have the "blue" sitting with the "red" during the Presidents speech.  The more I hear about it the more I started thinking how utterly crazy it is.  This is something that we ourselves learned way back in elementary school. "Now Susie, I know that you don't really like or agree with Tommy.  However, you can sit by him during the assembly or at lunch and be respectful to him."  Seriously! It makes me crazy that we DEMAND more of our children, than we do the adults who make up our government body! And the scary thing is, the children do a better job than the adults!  We tell our children that they don't have to like nor agree with everybody, they just have to be respectful.  We also tell them that if they don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.  Then why on earth should we accept less from those who WE elect to office?  Why can't adults behave half as kind and respectful as children?  The saying, "Are you smarter than a fifth grader?" should be echoed with "Are you as kind and respectful as a first grader?"   No, we all don't and won't agree, that is fine; but we can be respectful in our disagreement! I don't care what "color" you are when it comes to politics, you can be respectful of those who are different, just as they can be respectful of you!  I think it is high time that we, along with the elected officials do better!  Just as we tell our children, you can do better! 

Ok, my rant is over. It's just that after spending the day at school dealing with kids, telling them that they can do better, be nicer, be respectful... I felt the need to vent!

2011...

Ok. So I have been thinking a lot about the new year. It is always exciting to set new goals for changing aspects of our lives.  And for the most part, easy to start.  However, when we suffer a set back of some kind or another and fall short of our goals, it can be very stressful.  Which can often lead to set backs in other areas we are trying to change as well.  I found myself thinking and praying the other night and the idea of "Do Better," came to me. Simple. We can all "do better" in nearly all areas of our lives.  Whether finance, eating habits, exercise habits, prayer & meditation, organization, relationships, volunteering....the list goes on and on.  I am hoping that by simply trying to do better in these areas rather than meeting an "all or nothing" mark,  I will stay focused on the big picture and have a more positive and productive outcome.  By taking "chewable bites" rather than a whole plate full. The idea of saying:

Positive:  "I exercised more this whole year, doing it here and there, than I have in years past!"

VS

Negative: "I only made it 3 months exercising 4 days a week. Then I dropped off to only 2 days a week. And when things were really crazy I didn't even get to it."

     ~OR~

 Positive:  "I reduced our overall debt this year! We owe less than we did at this time last year!"

 VS

Negative:  "I was going to be debt free by the end of the year, but didn't get one bill paid off and then had to repair___"

     ~OR~

Positive:  "I cut out so much junk food this year. Instead of nearly every evening at home, I only had it once or twice a week."

VS

Negative:  "I was going to cut out all junk food, but I didn't make it. We went out on a date and I had to have the cheesecake...then we were at a birthday party and there was homemade ice cream I had to try. And there were a few times I had a treat in the evening."

So here's to a year of doing better! I can't wait!